Another Valentine’s Day approaches. It might not seem different from the outside, yet it does from within me.

COVID-19 tampered with the spirit of Christmas. I cannot believe it is already gone! This holiday tends to set an atmosphere filled with nagging questions that stay present in the back of mind whispering the longing of someone special…

Again? Nobody celebrating with you? What is wrong with you?

Valentine’s day does not affect me in the same way as Christmas, even though I have not celebrated it for many years. It could be a self-mechanism protection spell – as I consider myself a hopeless romantic- or just the fact that friendship is high on my list of values. I purposely invest in keeping the bond with my friends strong and healthy in the long term.

All the Reds and Pinks Fussing Around and Inviting Reflection

This year’s exploration navigates the waters of changes in how I see myself and the choices I make to embrace who I am and what I want in life. I was never a person who mingled for the sake of mingling. Yes, I feared being unlovable as anybody else. I also wanted to be in a relationship and grow old alongside someone who cared deeply for me. Life had another plan. 

Today I am allowing my Inner Child to take over and keep the “what do you want to be when you grow up” question alive. I embrace my intuition with an open heart pointing towards the wonders of love with uppercase L.

After many failed attempts to follow the “rules of engagement” in the dating world (before and after COVID-19), one thing has become clear: I do not need somebody to make me happy or complete me.  The journey into maturity has graciously blessed me with the gift of enjoying myself and my solitude. It also has made me aware of what is negotiable in my life and what is not. Settling is not. 

Across the Mirror

Looking at yourself in the mirror intensely can be disturbing. One day I decided to pass beyond the initial discomfort and negative self-talk – Oh Dear, how awful you look! Where all these wrinkles came from? Bags under the eyes? 

Is incredible the number of flaws you can catch in a glimpse! I was about to rush for the moisturizer (or just run away) but I stopped. The  woman in the mirror watched me silently. She felt so alien to me, almost a stranger…

A part of me understood with surprise, that I have not seen her in a long time. Those hazel eyes were kind of a mystery. They might have been a bit stern too. Or was it my attitude towards the image in the mirror?  It felt strange to stop and observe that person. In the beginning, there was no sympathy nor empathy towards the human being wearing my name and identity. I had an image in my head, and she was betraying it. How dare she!

After a moment, it dawned on me how tough I am with this person. How much I expect from her and how little lenience I give to her mistakes. I only saw what was missing or was ugly. My perception completely obliterated the beauty and gifts. This is a habit of mine!

Wisdom is a rare commodity I strive to cultivate, but it must start with me. Apprehending and actively engaging in projects and learning opportunities that help me move beyond limitations, past failures, and prejudices is not enough. Fulfillment begins with love, unconditional love, and acceptance for the being in the mirror. 

Then… 

Gratitude for every print that time, life, and experience have left behind. They are after all unmistakable proof of the purpose of existence and a journey that is not yet done. The best therapy now is to embrace the person I am today and allow the story of the one I am about to become to unfold naturally. It is a leap of faith. I grant you that. 

I Am Not Fixable. How Liberating!

After many years trying, I have to admit there is no other way but to go but forward.  My choice today is to jump on the prow of a ship destined to sail the adventure of loving myself and accept every little crack and bolt that makes for the outer shell and all darkness and lights of the invisible “me” who dreams and seizes a vision of Love. Carpe Diem!

The ones celebrating 2021 Valentine’s day are ME and ME!

How on earth can I ask another to love me as I want to be loved, if I cannot do it myself? And in doing so, then, how amazing shall it be to experience being deeply loved in the way only my partner can?

I am ready to share the world of experiences, gifts, and lessons that made for who I am today, but most of all, the love, wonder, and dreams that stand as a life worth living wrapped in a Latina woman wearing no makeup and dressed in cozy pants and soft shirts a size bigger than necessary. That does not exclude the possibility of stumbling upon an amazing soul ready to walk side by side to build together whatever we want. It is the realization that true and everlasting love starts with me.

Feeling Inherently Loved and Worthy Comes From Within

We live in a world that is constantly telling us that we are not good enough, that we need to chase after love and/or approval from those around us to be whole and complete. I also understand how addictive can be to hold others accountable for our happiness. 

The unbearable pain of loss and being heartbroken. The loneliness of coming to an empty home. The despair of believing nothing would ever be right again…
Fear grabs us fiercely and sucks all our strength and courage!
That also shall pass… even if we cannot bear to even think about it…

Since the dawn of time, I have lived from a place of lack and incompleteness. My entire journey was crafted around filling this imaginary void.

Not anymore! Enough!

Nobody can do that for you -make you happy- if there is no kindling already alighted within you. Love, marriage, friendship, and honor. Soul mates and relationships beyond time and space. All those words speak to me profoundly. I have experienced the overwhelming sensation of having every cell of my body and corner of my heart and mind on fire when in love- be it a relationship or a dream.

I wholeheartedly believe we deserve something or someone who lights up our world. Light you up, being the crucial concept here! 

I raise my cup of coffee and salute the woman painting, playing, and writing her way through the challenges and joys of everyday life. Her light shall shine through sunny and stormy skies and its equal shall shine back.

I still have trouble with the mirror. Is getting better. Now, when I face myself in the mirror, the image in the mirror smiles back. Together we shall walk another step into the incredible journey of a human being born under the Aquarius sign embracing herself for the first time in life.

Happy Valentine’s