Recently I have been thinking a lot about connections, on how to keep them alive, and on how to rekindle the ones that have faded over time.
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Of course that also means figuring out which connections to keep and which ones to release, because time and energy are limited, especially for an introvert mom of three with multiple interests and projects, and a lot of room for health improvement.
This matter becomes even more pressing when you’re at this time of year, generally a time of celebration with our loved ones, be it for Christmas, for Hanukkah, for Kwanzaa, for Solstice, for New Year or just for Winter/Summer vacation.
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You start taking stock of the people you interacted more meaningfully during the year that is ending, like my friend Mariana that decorates her Christmas tree with pictures of everyone that influenced her and her family positively since last Christmas.
And you start making a list of who you want to have more present in the upcoming 12 months, and then sending them New Year messages like my friend Cristina does.
What happens when someone that was not on either of those 2 lists, but that you had really connected with a year or 2 before, and you would like to catch up with sometime soon, dies?
That was the question I had to answer when I heard about Tara’s death…
Tara
Tara Bahna-James was a fellow multipod, an amazing woman with a beautiful soul and a creative mind that touched the lives of many of us puttypeep in the Puttyverse.
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The memory I have of our first longest conversation was during an Offers And Needs Market event, where I offered to help her with ecological tips for home and plants, and she offered to teach me yoga moves that helped with my back.
Talking to her was great, filled with laughter and optimism, even when discussing difficult health issues. It was one such issue that took her from her family and us all…
We’d been planning to catch up for ages, with life, schedules and health problems constantly getting in the way. We ended up not talking ever again, and I truly regret that…
She was an incredibly empathetic and compassionate person, a mother, a multifaceted artist (singer, actress, and more), a yoga teacher, a dog-sitter, an astrology expert, and so much more, and conversation flowed seamlessly.
If you are a multipod, you probably grew up not fitting the mold, having to explain and contextualize every different interest you had and where it stemmed from, doing your best to navigate a world that is mostly not prepared for us non-linear and completely out of the box thinkers that don’t want to stick with only one subject for the rest of their lives.
Only amongst other multipods can you have conversations that range a variety of different subjects, with no apparent connection, and see how everyone navigates the current without an itch, adjusting and contributing to the eclectic mix – and that is a joy!!!
So imagine not only having a community of like-minded people, but getting to know one of the nicest and most joyful people there. That was Tara!
Wake up call
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Her passing made me realize how many people that have touched my life in a positive way don’t yet know how much I appreciate them, and the amount of people that I have told that to and would like to catch up with because I miss them.
So I started creating a third list: a list of people I want to reach out to, so I can reconnect, even if only briefly because of all the busyness in our lives.
The Universe further directed me into that direction, by calling my attention to a podcast about body language that ended up being about creating deeper connections with people.
In it, Vanessa Van Edwards shares a lot of things that help you connect to people more, while at the same time understanding yourself better and figuring out whom to keep in your corner.
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Why
As The Why Girl, I can hear some of you asking “Why bother?”, “Why waste time and energy in this connecting business”?
Simple: because you’ll be investing in your own mental health!
Like Alicia explained in one of Evidence of Now first articles, keeping connections active helps us in many ways, including in recovering from loss and depression.
Besides, as you start understanding who makes sense for you by taking time to figure out who you truly like, who energizes you, who is fun, who helps you recharge, and who does nothing of those, you’ll be taking time for yourself.
In understanding your emotions and figuring out what your gut feeling feels like, just like they talked about in the podcast shared above, you’ll get to know more of yourself, (re)connecting with yourself amidst the craziness that is daily life.
Since the world is a geopolitical mess and there is no hope of a quick resolution to any of the dramatic situations happening on our blue marble right now, connections have an even more important purpose: having people that you can truly trust and that have your back is – and will be even more – the most precious of treasures.
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(re)Connecting
Everyone has their own way to connect, especially considering that people have different love languages. For example, someone that uses Physical Touch as a primary love language will might prefer in presence meetings and hugs, while someone whose preferred love language is Words of Affirmation might be happy with a message where you tell them all the positive things they have brought into your life.
I’ll be (re)connecting in keeping with the motto for 2024 that I will be carrying on into 2025: Simplify, Stabilize and Solidify.
This means I’ll:
- Simplify = release people (and projects and things) to make time, room and energy to keep around and/or reach out to the people that make me happy, even if only by text or email – thank you technology, for allowing me to do that instantly with people all around the world!
- Stabilize = be selective of the people I create new connections with – the idea Vanessa Van Edwards shared of doing something pretty extreme to see if you can be friends with someone sounds like a good way to triage. 😉
- Solidify – create the habit of keeping the communication going, strengthening the connective bonds with the people that resonate.
Figure out what makes sense to you, what you can manage, when you can do it and using which tools – remember social media was first created to connect. 😉
Reaching out to people is both an act of love for others and for ourselves. What could be better than a win-win scenario where you get to keep people that make you be a better version of yourself around -, and hopefully vice-versa -, while giving yourself the attention you deserve?
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Go for it and have a connected 2025! 🙂
